Thank you but I do not want to dance.

 Lord,

Thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes to see the sunrise.

Thank you for allowing me to hear the beautiful birds chirp at my window.

Thank you for the strength to rise, for the extend in my legs when I walk.

Thank you for the small in my back when I stretch up high to praise you.

I can feel the grooves in the wall on my palms as I stretch even higher, thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to look over at my future God and have him still here.

Yesterday was a rough day God, I wanted to go and dance with the wolves.

I wanted to put the bottle back to my lips and feel the burn run through me.

I wanted to feel a false happiness even if it was just for a little bit.

I was really weak God and my emotions was high. 

I wanted to inhale on the smoke that use to kill me. 

The Devil was planting memories of me being happy.

He was enticing me. He told me I was a better person then and I started to believe him. 

I wanted to play in the den and see all my old friends God.

I told my man if I leave out the house, I'll probably leave this relationship too.

Because we're being tested and I wanted to retreat to self sabotage. It's a language I use to fluently speak. 

I told him I would cheat because I know that demon in me and I know if I would've opened that door, there would be no turning around for me. 

Oh, let's not forget Mothers Day is approaching. What do I say to my mother who no longer has her mother and at night I know she still cries because she misses her mother, the reason she won't put down the bottle because she needs her mother?

"Tashi, focus! One train of thought at a time"

I didn't go and two-step with my demons. I dropped to my knees and prayed.  I cried it out. I asked for strength God. I'm asking for strength, I'm asking for security God, I'm asking for a little bit of that unconditional love that I give out daily God. 

Everyone has something going on, I pray that if they come seeking you God you shine your light on them and get them out the mud as you have done for me God. 

Amen.